Thought for Thursday

All the hype about unhealthy body image from women measuring themselves against what the media portrays makes me wonder why the same phenomenon hasn't struck in the area of bra application.

I've noticed in the locker room at the gym that a majority of women put their bras on using the clip-it-around-your-waist-and shimmy-it-up-and-around, then put-your-arms-through-the-'sleeves' method. Not exotic or alluring; very pedestrian. Today, I even witnessed a woman climb feet first into a pre-clasped bra and pull it up like pants to the point where she could shift to stage 2 of the aforementioned method. whoa!! Is it really that tough? I'm not looking for a full on strip tease or anything. But is it asking too much for the more widely publicized reach-to-the-center-of-your-back-with-both-hands-simultaneously method?

Wait though, maybe I can use my great feat of contortionism to make me feel more like a movie star. Nevermind.

Word Count Wednesday - 25

After eight years in exile,

Mr. Tuggles was noticed and named for the first time yesterday.

Today,

"stuffed animal day",

he was

sadly forgotten.

Two Things on Tuesday - society's ills hurt my stomach

1.) A friend of mine has been banned from her wife's classroom by the school principal. She hangs out in the morning after dropping off the kids; feeds the fish and wishes her better half a nice day. It took me most of a school year to figure out they were together. Then, this past year our family was honored to attend their wedding. Now, they're being discriminated against by an employer. None of us are the type to organize a protest or anything, but a little part of my heart is broken...

2.) My 7 yr. old asked the other day why all the black girls are stupid & mean. So, now my heart is completely broken and there have already been so many protests...

Word Count Wednesday - 18th

The dog stood sadly on the front step while we got ready and ate.

Raining!

Another day inside.

2 Things on Tuesday - wish I could rap

1.) What is it with these young, podunck town law-enforcement types that makes them say shit?
Driving the girls home from Grandma's house the other day I came to the bottom of the hill & noticed emergency lights at the intersection. After stopping at the stop sign, I edged forward to see which direction the lights were coming from (they were bouncing on the abutment of an overpass), stopped again to make sure I wouldn't be interfering with any law-enforcement type procedures if I proceeded on my planned right turn. Please bear in mind that the speed limit coming down the mountain is 25. Ah, only a routine traffic check (there's a crack house on grandma's hill in the mountains...). So I join the line of (3) cars and start digging for my license. When I roll the window down, the 25 year old 'officer' says to me, "d'y always approach stops signs that fast? You'da rolled right through that one if we hadn't been here." To which I responded, "Fuck you, has been!! Couldn't get into ITT Tech? I have NEVER rolled through a fucking stop sign, ever! Never had a speeding ticket, freaking never had a parking ticket. I've never driven drunk, always wear my seat belt, and if you think for one second that I would ever roll through a stop sign in a Southern state with my children in the car, you must be one of the dumbest ones they've raised yet! Moron!"

...in my head. Actually, I said the Moron part as he was checking my rear license plate - imagine he was checking to verify me as one of those lawless types that hasn't dusted her 'tags' this season, either - and M asked me how I knew he was a moron. I told her I'd explain it when we rolled up the window & drove away.

I seethed for a while as I drove away, waiting for the meds to kick in and settle my rattled nerves - I have authority figure issues and a evolutionary-Irish distaste for coppers of any ilk, especially smug, young, powercrazy, male ones - and then started wishing that my heritage was different. Instead of being an upper middle class stay at home mom driving a minivan, I wished for that moment to be a strong ethnic urban chica rollin in a blazin lowrider. 'Cause then, instead of stewing my temper for a few days down to a blogworthy frustration reduction, I could have amped it on some Red Bull, juiced it with a scary beat and rapped my way to fame about how the 5-0 ain't worth sh*t. Yeah, I wish I could rap about the injustices carried out on me by the POlice...


and wait....here's a good line I might have come up with and used, but actually found when looking for a satisfying slang term to use for police (I'm still not happy with the "5-0", but the dryer's about to buzz and I didn't want to waste too much time...) - "a government-funded butt-picking fucktard addicted to donuts" NICE!!!!

2.) How will we ever know when Nip/Tuck has jumped the shark?

I have a dream...

What if,

instead of telling me there are crumbs on the counter,

you just wiped them up?

Disarray

I feel I alienated my book club members with unedited neediness last night. I only had one drink.

Suggesting that my once-estranged father move closer to receive his chemo seemed like a good and charitable gesture when I was pretty sure he’d croak.

My writing does not flow, entertain and inspire. I read these other bloggers and they’re GOOD and uplifting and powerful. Instead of being inspired, I am ashamed and want my teddy bear. I don’t think the meds are working.

I went to the wrong college, have never been paid more than $22K a year, possess no discernible skill and do not have “connections”. This is greatly distressing as I still envision myself as a budding corporate success – just in a bit of a slump, as I have no job, no wardrobe and no lunch dates.

Acne plagues my pre-menopausal skin. I’m not strong enough to go no-carb in order to lose this matronly plumpness that robs me of my …nah, never had it. I’ve quit coloring my hair so that I can periodically hear how courageous I am.

Passion Parties annual convention is in Vegas again this year. I had the time of my life there 2 years ago and did nearly as well last year. My business has teetered on the brink of collapse for this entire fiscal year, so I wanted to attend as my last hurrah. Even if I didn’t attend the meetings (as that might be a bit too sad) I wanted to be around for the peripherals – that contact high, a bed I don’t have to make and the llaauuughiing!! – so, I booked a room at a different hotel for $36 a night. Now none of the usual crew is going. I thought I’d go out anyway, just for some Mommy time, but then really thought about 5 days alone in Vegas. It’s getting to the point where I need to book airline tickets or let it go and I really worry about the long-term ramifications of ‘letting it go’.

I’d love to attend BlogHer ’09 but don’t feel I’ve got the chops. Or what it takes to justify the expense due to the global financial situation and all.

I dubbed Friday’s blog theme: Forgiveness this Friday and then didn’t have time to write any of the things I’d like to forgive myself for – which made me feel guilty which I’m having a hard time forgiving myself for.

Recently, I learned that a friend spent several months in bed a few years back. I thought she was just being antisocial. I’m sorry and I know how easy it would be to crawl right back in.

Good thing I’ve got Facebook!!!!

Word Count Wednesday - 11

My daughter's name anagrams to "semen and shriekingly". Mine -

"snarlingly hymen"

2 Things on Tuesday - the 10th

1.) Why is it that I cannot keep the words 'objective' & 'subjective' straight and must find other ways to express the concepts, making me sound less than intelligent?? I hate that! And what is - also very related so as to not (here we go...) occupy today's number two slot with another grammatical or spelling foible - up with my inability to spell occasion, occupy, facilitate and several other very useful words correctly without second-guessing myself, stressing out and allowing spellcheck to save me? Do you do that?


2.) I LOVE the way Liberace (our dog) tippy-toes across the poopy parts of the lawn when he chases after a ball. You can almost hear the cartoonish screeching as he pulls to a stop and carefully prances through the scary, icky part. And it's so cute how he nudge, nudge, nudges the ball with his nose checking to make sure it hasn't been contaminated before he'll grasp it delicately, like an escargot in his mouth and maybe - if you're lucky - bring the ball back.

Mommy and Me - paper towels and the paid workforce

wherein I attempt to write snippets from my Mommy mind

&

something pithy and intriguing from the real Me

so no one starts thinking I'm one dimensional

Mommy -

My younger sister does not believe in keeping anything except a few decorative items on her kitchen countertops. The part of me that has taken interior design classes loves this and has great admiration for her adherence to aesthetic priorities. Until we visit with the 3 & 6 year olds who invariably and frequently spill stuff...and I discover that paper towels are kept somewhere in the cabinet under the sink. Not right there, standing at the ready when you open the door, but literally just tossed somewhere in there where you have to get down and look past the dishwashing detergent and the brasso and the window cleaner and hope you find them before whatever you just heard splash down in the other room soaks in and becomes a permanent stain or warps the hardwood or disappears altogether only to be found late at night or very early in the morning as you sneak through the living room for another hit of those homecooked leftovers and your socks get wet, so then you have a stain to clean AND more laundry...Isn't that cute? She keeps paper towels under the sink. Just anywhere under there...Not on either end of the counter - equidistant from the redline phone to poison control - within easy reach at a split second's notice. I love that for her!!!

Me -

Very distressed lately about the prospects for "returning" to the paid workforce at any point in the foreseeable future as:

1.) I have no career to go back to having spent the last 6 years mothering exclusively and the decade before that at piddly jobs which proved to be tangential to a career path.

2.) My college education is so out of date as to have included DOS

3.) What I envision being available to someone with limited relevant experience and hours outside of drop-off and pick-up from school pretty much points to daylight prostitution or janitorial work.

4.) This terrible sensation that I'd be "taking" a job from someone who really needs the money - like for food or necessities higher on the list than laser hair removal.

5.) I worry (hopefully disproportionately) about the whole having-to-actually-show-up-somewhere-on-time-dressed-and-ready-to-deal-with-stuff issue. Mostly what I worry about is what is says about me that I worry about it. I could totally get back into the swing of an adult professional life, right?

Well, all this and more can keep me wondering for a while, I guess, as I'm not running out to get just any old job. I have the luxury of waiting until the kids are well into school and the right opportunity comes along to get me back on a career track. Getting back into the paid workforce is just high in my mind lately 'cause mid-winter for Mommy can be a trifle monotonous (note to self: add diplomacy & exceptional communication skills to resume). The worry and wondering gives a Mommy something to do in the long, cold moments between spills.

Thought for Thursday

'ceptin' it's Saturday and the though finally coalesced...

If I actually lost the weight, what would be holding me back from my life then???

Word Count Wednesday

I'm gonna try a thing where I actually contribute to my own blog by choosing a theme for a bunch of the days, so I don't feel like I have to "come up with something" all the time. The pressure is blocking my genius.

So, Wednesday will be the day where I just say something that has as many words in it as the day of the month it is (the 4th will have 4 words, the 11th will have eleven). I'm hoping to have captured a photo by each Wednesday to supplement the words...

And luckily, for today it is this...

Snow Day for THIS???????

2 Things for Tuesday

1.) Lots of Moms and all of the literature will tell you that you'll find weird stuff in the laundry when you have kids - especially boys. And I still NEVER remember to check the pockets. It hasn't been a problem thus far. First of all, I have girls. They will occasionally collect "pretty" rocks and I've found plenty of dimes. The weirdest thing so far was found in the dryer this morning... a travel tin of dental floss. That's it. I'll keep looking, but I'm not holding out much hope.

2.) Sick Day #2