To Whom It May Concern

Useful quote from Jesse James' press statement in response to news that he's been cheating on Sandra Bullock. Can be sprinkled liberally into almost any conversation and should be used several times a day:

"There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It's because of my poor judgement that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.

This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me."

Note that Sandra Bullock became an Oscar winner last week. Jesse doesn't need to keep his wife in a basement to get it on with his new girlfriend. Though he probably does own a velvet burnout brocade pick-up-guy shirt and fancy white leather shoes. . .

Children will play

So it occurs to Jane that she does not want to play with Johnny and his ever-evolving exclusionary rule making. So she tells him, "I don't want to play anymore." And Johnny, knowing he cannot win if no one plays, throws a tantrum. He purposely sits too close to Jane, making her uncomfortable. He makes sure to grab the cookie with the most chips, so she can't have it. He hides the toys on a high shelf, knowing Jane can't reach.

Well, Jane really doesn't want to play. Jane knows that cookies would just make her fat anyway. Jane knows where a ladder is, and could reach the toys - if she wanted to play. Instead she just feels sorry for Johnny. When will he learn that no one wants to play with someone who's willing to stack the deck, change the rules, or lie so that they always win. He'll become a self-serving egotistical narcissist if allowed to grow up this way. And Jane needs no part of that shit again!

Jane will go read a book. Maybe later, she'll play tea party with some of the girls up the street. Good Jane. Good for you.

At Least 82 Reasons It's More Than Miraculous I Haven't Caved on the Lenten Sacrifice of Chocolate

Last Monday there were 6 inches of snow on the ground and we had yet another Snow Day.

Yesterday it was 80 degrees - no we haven't moved and yes, I am so on top of this housekeeping that my children had appropriate attire on both occasions. Yes, thank you, thank you very much!

I'm dogsitting my in-laws 2 crazy-a** dogs. That makes 3 dogs, 2 kids and one parent this week. Husband out of town, in-laws usually spell me on Wednesdays with the pre-schooler. So that's 4 days with 3 dogs, 2 kids and one me. Yes, thank you, thank you very much!

Even today, the GYN office hasn't received notification from our insurance that the $3605 they billed was reduced and paid out at $416, therefore, they're perplexed at my request for the refund of $1700 we paid out of pocket before they would perform my surgery - back in January. I spent enough time on hold the phone to ensure that the insurance company would fax the statement to the Dr. AGAIN in order that they can better understand. I will now call them every other day until my refund is received. Because I wouldn't want to treat them any differently than I know they'd want to treat me. Besides, we owe at least twice that to the anesthesiologist, the hospital, the lab, etc...due to our mid 4-figure deductible and I want my money!!!

This week, I was somewhat hornswaggled into signing my non-competitive 7 yr. old daughter up for soccer. K's Mom was going to coach and K wanted Maris on her team. Even though M has never played a competitive or team sport, we "should sign her up 'cause we have this whole friend & friend's Mom support structure around it"...And the clincher for me was that K's Mom would pick them up from school on practice days and keep her at their house until dinnertime. (That's once a week for 9 weeks!!!) So, I sign her up, buy the equipment - which she immediately tried on and took outside to get dirty check out - and then find out that due to a number of converging unfortunate circumstances, K's not signed up, K's Mom isn't coaching and now I'm committed to the driving, killing the time during practice and then single-handedly cajoling the kid to go to practice, meet some new people, play the games, just do your best and have fun!, and heaven forbid consoling her because she's not the fastest, scoringest, whateverest player. Oy! I'm such a good Mom and they will be SO grateful when they're 30!!!

I was guilt-tripped into dinner with my formerly estranged father this evening. Another fabulous and enjoyable repast at every gourmet's mecca - the Olive Garden - with Mr. Matt and my two young children. Proving once again that kids like nothing better than lingering over appetizer, soup (2 rounds), salad, the entree & then a nice coffee. The man has no idea that there are people out here and none of them particularly interested in continually revolving around his massive gravitational pull!! Especially when there's still reading homework and bedtime looming at 8. I'll expound on this further with some episodic postings of Mr. Matt experiences. Anyway, in an effort to stave off bloody mutiny, I allowed the little critters to order dessert. The dinner to sugar ratio was going to be BAD, but Mr. Matt was deep in discussion about - no, it's too good, I have to save it. The younger one, who's always had a 6th sense about impending danger, ordered the lemon cream cake ($5.95 a slice), which is fine. The older one, my first born, the 7 yr. old teenager?? Yea, she ordered the death by chocolate thing.

And yet, I have not been swayed in my resolve!!! I am STILL chocolateless after almost 2 weeks. Is that it??? Tell me it's 3 weeks.

*daaah*

where's that lemon cream cake???

None of this makes my butt look big, right?

A few of my friends and quite a number of stranger-bloggers I read post wonderful, poetic things about the moments of their lives, including the miraculousness of their children. It really never occurs to me to share those things. Truthfully, it rarely occurs to me that I'm experiencing those things. And by the time I get to the computer I'm aggravated with said miracles, so I vent instead.

I recently read a post from one Mommy blogger (I'm new to this, have no personal connections with any of these modern marvels and have read WAY too many Mommy blogs lately to credit this accurately. So, I'll paraphrase...) who wrote charmingly of her marital status hinging on the status of garage storage availability. Which comes to mind almost daily around here as M'oney has issues with our home's storage capacity/things-I-want-to-keep ratio. I've kept just about every child-related article we've acquired since the birth of M, 6 years ago. First it was stashed away for the possibility of a second child (that "better be a girl or cross-dresser from day one!"). Then, when The G came along, quite a lot of it was resurrected and, due to a considerable size and growth rate differential that somehow always comes to bear at the change of season, quite a lot was added. Now, it's all been put away for the someday child of my younger sister. Having been to the infertility clinic for the conception of both of my girls and having endured the asinine things people can and will say about your sex life, your life plans, etc...while going through the emotional - not to mention hormonal - joyride that is, I try not to question my sister too much about the plan behind timing of the conception, arrival or whatever of this someday child ("that better be a girl or a cross-dresser from day one!"). However, the 3,600 square feet plus attic & garage are not enough to contain both M'oney and the stored bounty. Sorting through it all the other day in an attempt to satisfy M'oney with yet another configuration - this time, it's a real winner that has all of the storage boxes out in the open where we have to look at them, instead of in the walk-in closet in the basement (????) - it began to dawn on me that this might be an absurdly large amount of stuff.

The rationalizations began to cascade from my subconscious. Which is when I knew for sure there was an issue. But I turn to you, kind Internets, for codependence in my hour of need!! And I know you'll help me on this. 'Cause I've been reading your blogs, too...

This isn't a problem, right?? For the first kid, this was shoes through age 3. For the second one, this collection lasted through about 18 months (family feet!). Because I know my sister is reading, I'll mention that the 3 single shoes to the bottom right have partners; they're just not in the boxes I've most recently been through. Which amounts to everything from birth to almost 2T...

While I'm feeling up to the abuse, I'd also like your commentary on this:

Speaking of my sister's someday child...M's friend Kn has a friend she refers to very often by the name of Arissa. I don't know the child. I don't even know the correct spelling. At first, I thought it was Kn's speech. Then I heard her Mom say it that same way - Arissa... All I know is that every time I heard about Arissa, I pictured a little Asian girl in ethnic dress with ponytails sticking out from the sides of her head. I know, it's bad. But no worse than the number of times I've laughed since meeting Arissa at Kn's birthday party. She IS Japanese!!!! Who's worse, me or her parents???

this one is called...

Prepare the meat!!!